Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
