and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
