I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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