My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
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