You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Randomize
