Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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