Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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