he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
