So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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