I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
