drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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