Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Randomize
