whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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