best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize