it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
