Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
