You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Randomize
