Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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