I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just gargled with NyQuil
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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