So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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