Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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