She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
