and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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