Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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