Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
