Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
