First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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