if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
