im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
