even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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