Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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