What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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