my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
