how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
