I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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