tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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