Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
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