So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I made him laugh his dick is mine
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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