she kept yelling 'call me bella'
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
