Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
