Pappa wants mamma naked
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
