turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
