She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
