"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Randomize
