I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
How naked do you want me to be?
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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