someone get that fucking seahorse.
oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
