what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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