he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
