if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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