You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
