i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
