Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
