I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
