Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
