I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
