i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
