At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
