Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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