i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
