he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
