Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
Farmville is her only friend.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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