why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
