She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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