you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
