Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize