So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
