the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
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